I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
