Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
