i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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