it wasn't lemon gatorade
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
