i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
