i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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