dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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