billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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