i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize