Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He better not be in your backpack
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
