can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
