Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
