I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
