Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
