Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
