I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
