alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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