I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How does one acquire holy water?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
