Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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