I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
