Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
