i barfeds in our rink
handjob tips. give me some.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
