Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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