you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize