you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
