She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Life is so much better after having sex.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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