people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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