OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
one might say we're banned from that church
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have post one night stand depression
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
