She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She even gives head with a lisp.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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