her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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