Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
