I think i peed on brittanys purse
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
