I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
