Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
