My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Randomize
