its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
