My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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