i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
