either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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