like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize