mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I look better un-naked...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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