I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
