We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
