you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
