I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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