i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
