So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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