yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
