I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
