So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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