dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
