My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
