I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
