Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
