I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
