farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
