Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
