I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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