Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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