i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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