I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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