i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
