Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
