dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
