I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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