So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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