My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
