Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize