One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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