i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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