what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
