Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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